Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Strange Addiction

Please tell me that someone else out there has had the viewing pleasure of watching TLC's new show, My Strange Addiction? It's out of control, I do not know where they find these hot messes but if TLC keeps this up I may have to knock something out of my tight TV rotation so I can become a more regular viewer. Anyways, a show like this naturally gets you thinking about your own addictions imperfections (I know what you're thinking... but Meghan, I thought your only imperfection was not having any imperfections)...Truth is, I have been struggling with my own strange addiction for sometime now. Drum roll please...







Ok so, strange, maybe not, but I have a late night pizza ADDICTION and to make matters worse it is usually ingested under the influence (PUI, pizza under the influence). Today as I awoke extremely hungover dehydrated, I knew what I would have to face when I walked into my living room. That stupid white paper plate, caked and coated with the remains of a battle I had once again lost.. and let me tell you, by the look of things it was bloody.

Lets take this back a step. To me, diet is a four letter word. If I had the willpower time I would work out 8 hours a day if it meant I got to eat whatever I wanted. Unfortunately, I've been told diet and exercise go hand in hand. I get it, you can't survive on a diet of Bud Light, Wendy's and grilled cheese sandwiches (although I think that's what heaven is like..). I mean don't get me wrong, I'm pretty proud of my eating habits (minus my strange addiction). I cook for myself 6 days a week, pack my lunch and, dare I say, even enjoy vegetables. Things could be a lot worse.That being said, I have also never been one to deprive myself. I do not know how people do it. Just NOT EAT things they love.  But sadly, my addiction keeps creeping into my life...

The late night pizza became a staple around, oh I don't know, Day 1 of college. Whether I knew it or not, I was enrolled in Pizza 101.  Things got really bad around the time Domino's introduced the infamous, 5-5-5 deal. Oh. My. Pizza. I mean, come on, it's a DEAL! And that was typically the sales pitch I used to convince most people that 3 pizzas was better than 1 pizza at 3 am on a Saturday. One time, I almost ate a whole pizza to mah-self. Impressive, yes, felt good in the morning? Negative. Another time, a friend and I got 2 late night slices to share. When she was on the phone in another room, I ate BOTH. It's like I blacked out, had the blood on my hands and didn't remember how I got there. Conveniently, I never remembered that feeling the next time I was tempted--guilt, regret, severe discomfort. Me and late night pizza were in a relationship and things were moving pretty fast...

Let's fast forward 4 years, and enough zas to feed a third world country, to present day. Late night pizza and I cooled things down over the summer, so I thought I was in good shape. Shortly after moving into my new apartment I realized the MESS I had gotten myself into. Holy. Shit. Could I break my lease? Was there any going back? How do I even begin to right this incredible wrong? How had I NOT noticed..pizza by the slice, 2 store fronts down, open until 5am (uh yeah...I'm looking at you 13th St. Pizza). I was able to resist for awhile, but I found myself more consistently waking up with that "why did I do that" feeling in the morning. At first it was your typical cheese, then I got into the hard stuff; chicken, bacon, ranch pizza, mac & cheese pizza, even BAKED POTATO PIZZA!! 

So...where does one go from here? Someone's got to intervene, because I am about one slice away from shaving my head, rockin' some Keds, looking a hot mess and attacking a paparazzo with an umbrella...

2 comments:

  1. lets not forget when you almost fought Laura at Sorrento's in Pittsburgh because after we all binged on pizza, you wanted to get an entire pizza for yourself instead of going home with us :)

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  2. WTF do you have against Keds, McNelis?

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