Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Slow Down, You Crazy Child

So its here! The big adventerous road trip is upon us and at this time tommorrow I'll be anxiously awaiting my last flight to Seattle. So how am I preparing for it? In a nutshell, I'm trying not to crack (no pun intended).

You see my friends, I am experiencing a bit of an emotional overload.  And I know what you're thinking, for the love of God Meghan, stop crying!! But no, when I say emotional overload I don't mean just one emotion. I mean ALL the emotions. I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm stressed, I'm frustrated, I'm flustered, I'm beyond happy, I'm anxious, I'm releived. I'm... a hot mess.

I really, REALLY, don't like to admit when I'm wrong. But lets just say I might have underestimated how much change was going to be happening at once. Don't get me wrong, the biggest change of all still has me smiling from ear to ear. Him coming here, the move, moving in, him being a permananet fixture in my life and not a visitnig suitcase every 6-8 weks. But in reality, its much more than that.

Its a move from one apartment to another. In three days. Up 3 flights of stairs. In a city, with very little loading and unloading space. Its never ending details. About cross country routes, stop points, navigating a 16+ ft. truck across America, and getting home with enough time to spare. Its about release dates and details I know nothing about, an hour by hour plan that I can't control. Its about unloading 5 days worth of shit stuff in 2-3 days time. Its about how do we make this place instantly look like a home. Its about where to store this stuff until it has a place to go. Its about seeing you and you and you and making sure we don't miss you. Its about a lot more than I thought.

I won't go as far as to say men are from Mars and women are from Venus,  but I've learned not only thorough my relationship with my boyfriend, brothers and father, but also through communication with other women, that men and women just plain handle things differently. Don't worry women, I'm not lumping you all together as basket cases like myself, but I think its safe to say that we're more emotional. More vocal, verbally or non-verbally, about our worries, concerns and fears. And believe me, I've been vocal! But in the midst of my emotional rollercoaster from stressed to frustrated to who knows what was next on the merry-go-round (don't I just sound like a dream to live with?), I've learned that my boyfriend is stressed too. And overloaded. And he's experiencing just as much change as I am. And he's flustered, and frustrated and nervous too. Just not as outwardly as I, and maybe this is the first time I've realized it. Or even, aknowledged it.                

Slowing down may not be an option right now, but taking a moment is. Taking a moment to just breathe and realize that tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for forever. Tomorrow is 129 days in the making. That its good to be mindful and plan ahead, but as of tomorrow I could care less if we get lost in Montana for 18 hours. I could care less when we get back, or where we stop, or if we're living in a bedroom with an extra bed, TV and kitchen set. Because I've been waiting SO long just to get here. And everything else will get done eventually. And I really believe that. Just seeing him is what I need to prevent this emotional crash. To take things as they come because we're FINALLY together.

I'm sure deep, deep, deep down, my desire and want to take the world on before I realize I'm about to crash is a small tiny miniscule part of what he loves about me. But I'm sure he's happier yet to know that as of tomorrow we'll figure it out together, one mile at at a time..

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