Friday, April 1, 2011

Blessed are the Flexible

Well, its been almost a full week since the bomb was dropped. And for any of you who were scared that I was still drowning in my own tears, rest assured. I am alive and well. 

In these last few days I've already been schooled in a lesson that I'm sure I will be an expert in by summer's end: mind over matter. On Monday my mind was a jumble and my body was physically rejecting this news. I was short of breathe. I was consumed in crying fits. I couldn't finish sentences without being choked up. That hiccup-like crying where you can't get a word out let alone breathe. But now, my mind has forced my body to heal. I can breathe, deeply. I am composed. I can hold conversations (void of emotional outbursts) about what the future holds. I am back to normal, making this work. 

I have already made a short list of things that will make the summer fly by. I recently secured an internship for the summer (finally), and will continue to work two part-time jobs with my current boss. I have a half marathon to train for, and conquer. If nothing else, I can run away from this mess! I have a new baby niece to arrive in July, and can not wait to meet her. I have a summer free of classes, and friends scattered around the east coast to visit. I have sunshine to enjoy, and a vampire-esque skin tone to improve. I have a sister, a two-hour train ride away, who will also be mind-over-matter-ing her summer while her boyfriend is deployed. I have unexplored corners of my nearly year-old city waiting to be explored. And this is just my short list!

Admittedly, this lack of scheduling and proper notification is still a nightmare for a control freak like me. Changes in "the plan" or a last minute change in release date, things that I will have no say in, no control, no pull, still scares the living daylights out of me. But I have to acknowledge, and more importantly accept, that I am helpless here. I am at the will of a schedule greater than my own. 

I have to be a rubber band for the foreseeable future. As my Mom always says, "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall never be bent out of shape."

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